And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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