if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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