.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
