a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
