I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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