You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
