A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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