i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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