was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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