it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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