I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
