How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
