never play flip cup with pint glasses
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
