you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
