I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
