i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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