we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
