he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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