I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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