Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
is that a dick in a sweater?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
