I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
