My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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