so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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