Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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