margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
