My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
