i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
