false alarm. still invincible.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
