Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
