I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
