Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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