see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
