i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
