The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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