my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
