I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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