he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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