it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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