It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
