chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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