he puts the penis in happiness.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
