WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
