it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
