So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
