Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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