It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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