Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
