i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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