Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
