I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
