these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
