Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
