we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
