and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
