and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
