Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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