she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I smell stomach acid.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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