OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
