NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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