i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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